The morning of September 15th, Tyler and I woke up bright and early (5am) and got ready to go to the hospital. We said goodbye to Griff, gathered my very overly prepared hospital bags and left. The whole ride there while I held Tyler's hand, I was shaking. I was scared. I didn't know what to expect, and I was hoping that I was strong enough to endure the journey I had ahead of me (not just labor, but caring for this little squishy of mine too)!
When we arrived, we had THE SWEETEST nurse ever! She could tell I was nervous and so she started making small chat asking all about my pregnancy journey. I told her how important it was for me to try and do this naturally, and she made a poster for me that said "YOU CAN DO THIS!" and hung it up above the bed so that I could see it. I was already having small contractions when I went in, so when they put me on the Pitocin, the contractions got quicker fairly fast. However, I honestly wasn't feeling much "pain." The midwife came and checked on me mid morning, but I hadn't progressed a whole lot at that point, so they slowly raised the Pitocin level. Meanwhile, the midwife encouraged us to tell our sweet nurse our story of trying to get pregnant (see previous blog). I had brought the onesie that had hung above my nightstand and the nurse decided to hang that on my medical board for encouragement as well.
Overall, the day started out fairly relaxing. Ty and I just listed to the labor music playlist we had put together with the help from our doula, and we waited for my mom, his mom, his sister, my dad, and my doula to get there. Theeeeennn I started to feel the contractions.... :(
It wasn't until afternoon that the contractions really started to get more intense. Everything I had planned to help me through the contractions became harder because I had to be hooked up to all of these stupid monitors and chords due to being induced (plus, they were having a hard time consistently getting "squishy's" heartbeat. The giant jetted bathtub was out of the picture now, and I struggled to even do much on the labor ball. So Tyler was my rock. He is what helped me get through every contraction. I started to feel horrible back labor pain, so Tyler would push on my legs (which helped A TON) for every contraction. We had our music playing full blast and Ty and I would sing to our songs through the contractions as well. Ha! It was quite the sight to see.
My dad and Sue came to visit and I'm pretty sure as soon as they came and saw me, they ran back out the door as fast as possible as I'm sure I screamed their ears off. Tyler's mom and sister showed up and my mom showed up. Most of the time, people waited in the waiting room to give Ty and I some space.
15 hours of natural labor and screaming/singing through the contractions and still I had only progressed to 4-5 cm. (Which really wasn't much seeing as how I was dilated to a 3 when I came in that morning.) The midwife suggested that I get an epidural to help relax a little bit and get through the night since it seemed I was in for the long haul. My mom decided to stay the night with me and Tyler (and to help so that Tyler could have a little break as well).
After the epidural, I finally got a little nap, but not much because the nurses kept coming in to help me turn and move around. Squish was facing the wrong way, so we were trying to get her turned so that it might help things progress. A few hours after the epidural was put in and they had upped my Pitocin even more, I started feeling my legs and the contractions again. I told the nurses, but no one seemed to be listening too much or doing anything about it. Soon, I was screaming in pain again from contractions (which were so close together now it didn't seem like there were any rest periods). They finally got the anesthesiologist to look at my epidural and it had completely come out (probably due to all of the moving around they were doing to try and re-position squish).
So, I got a SECOND epidural and by then it was 9/16/15 at about 5 am. My midwife came in and said that it was time to start talking about "other options." Squish's heart rate had started to escalate and monitors were showing she was in slight distress. I immediately burst into tears. I hadn't wanted any of this (Pitocin, epidural, and now C-Section). Everything had gone the opposite of how I was hoping. Tyler and I held each other and cried for quite awhile. My mom called my sister Danae (who had also had an emergency C-Section) and I basically just sat there balling on the phone while she talked to me and tried to comfort me. I literally don't think I said a word back to her.
Our midwife tried to hold off on the C-Section until a little later in the morning, because the current doctor on call was one she had never done a surgery with. (Let's be honest, she didn't outright say this, but it was pretty obvious). At 8 am, there was a shift change and the new doctor on call was Dr. Cox (who is very well known for being amazing!) Dr. Cox came in and made jokes with me and truly calmed me down about everything. He put me so at ease and it was such a relief.
I was laying flat on my back as the anesthesiologist had just prepared me for the surgery and told me I could not sit up at all from this point forward. A nurse came over and gave me a large pill and told me to take it. I didn't even know what it was, I just stuck it in my mouth. All of a sudden, I was foaming at the mouth and choking on the pill. She had given me an Alkaseltzer pill WITHOUT dissolving it in water first! I tried to ask the anesthesiologist if I could sit up to take water, but he didn't know what had happened and immediately said no because of the epidural. They all finally realized what had just happened and the anesthesiologist got pretty mad at the nurse. Apparently, she was newer and still training. Ha! Looking back it is pretty funny, but in the moment, I was not a happy camper. The rest of the time, the anesthesiologist (who had previously been a little crabby towards me) was the nicest most supportive one out of everybody. I think he must have felt bad about the incident and was trying to make up for it.
As they rolled me into the room (w/o Tyler at first), I was shaking extremely bad. My entire body felt super cold and I was so nervous that I was shaking everywhere! The anesthesiologist got me some warm blankets and covered me everywhere possible with them and I started to calm down a little bit. He tried to make jokes with me and talk me through everything I was seeing while all of the doctors and nurses prepped everything for the C-Section. Even though our midwife was in the surgery assisting the doctor, I honestly don't remember talking to her again until long after the surgery.
Tyler was finally able to come into the room and sit next to me and hold my hand. I stared at him for awhile, but after the surgery started, I had to just close my eyes and think about the little girl I was about to meet to try and get my mind off of what was about to happen. At one point during the surgery, I felt the doctor basically climb on top of me and yank and pull. I still don't know exactly what was happening since I was at that point just trying to drown everything out.
All of a sudden, she was out and I immediately heard her cry out. The doctor held her over the screen so I could see her sweet little chubby self, and then they whisked her away to check and make sure everything was okay. Our daughter was finally here, gracing us with her presence on 9/16/15 at 9:33 am weighing at 8.4 LBS, 21 inches long, and a 15 inch head.
Tyler looked at me like he wasn't sure what to do. (He later told me he felt pulled in two directions between staying with his wife, and going to meet his daughter). I looked straight at him and very sternly said, "Go to her!" I couldn't be with her in that moment and needed Tyler to stay with her for the rest of the time. The anesthesiologist was still with me, and as I heard our daughter crying I kept whispering, "I'm a mom! I'm a mom!" over and over. The anesthesiologist looked at me and said, "Yep, you are a mom!" Ha! Tyler brought her back over to me and I got to touch her sweet face for the first time. I couldn't believe the emotions overwhelming me, and this sweet little miracle that was finally given to us. The anesthesiologist said to Tyler, do you have a phone so I can take a picture for you. (Neither one of us had even thought about pics and I am so grateful for this 3rd party who knew we would want to document this incredible moment in our lives).
Tyler went with our daughter as the doctor's sewed me up. (Side note: Dr. Cox is well known for VBACs so hopefully with his technique, I will still be able to experience a vaginal birth in the future). They then took me to the recovery room, and Tyler brought our daughter to me and I got to fully hold her for the first time. I know there was a lot going on around me in the recovery room with the nurses checking everything, but I didn't notice any of it. I was so focused on this sweet little girl who finally was here after 23 hours of labor.
We could immediately tell that this labor was not just hard on me, but definitely hard on our little girl. She had a fairly large lump on her head since she was sunny side up and had been hitting my pelvis over and over every time I contracted. She also had some slight bruising on her head and on her face (along with some sweet storks kiss birthmarks that are now one of my favorite things about her). In the end, even though this was not the way I had wanted things to go, I was just grateful it was all over and that she was here safe. Tyler and I almost immediately knew that she was going to be Oakley Claire Despain. We had Oakley and Claire both as top first names of ours, and they just sounded perfect combined together.
Honestly, our hospital stay is all a blur. I remember Oakley being one of the most aware babies I had ever seen and everybody commenting on this and the fact that her eyes were always wide open taking everything in. I remember her nursing like a champ (even though I did had to get help from an amazing nurse to help get her latched every time), and I remember sleeping with her at night with her just sleeping on my chest. It was rare that I had the nurses take her away, although I did a few times to try and get a little more sleep so I could recover.
This little girl was and is the greatest blessing in my life and I am so excited for the adventures Tyler, Oakley, and I are going to have together.
